about me · Personal essays · Self Love

Let Go

I went to bed last night full of hope. I got some exciting news from a close friend. She and her husband had been praying all year and believing God for a laundry list of things to happen. Last night she shared how many things had been crossed off, but the biggest prayer request had been answered, and I am thrilled.

So last night I laid in bed, trying to clear my mind for a great night’s sleep. I am returning to work today after being placed on bed rest. For the 1st time ever in life, I was forced to just rest. I have had recovery time from surgery, but this was not the same for me. I was being forced into 7 days of rest. It seemed promising but not as natural as I thought it would be. Nonetheless, last night, my prayer was to sleep sounding but awake on time, hearing my alarm. There was a noise in the middle of the night that seemed as if someone was preparing to enter my room. My doorknob jiggled. I waited to see who chose to disturb my sleep but thought if it was a spirit or something ungodly, I decided to prayed my voice to yell, “Jesus!” but I just went back to sleep.

I promised myself I would not be late for work and my current formula for that is to wake up earlier. (I am in the process of changing this idea of me ALWAYS being late.) I found myself hearing a rustle and felt my body slowly exit sleep and begin to wonder the time. I searched for my clock/alarm, hitting the button on the slide. My phone died. The idea of that seems so laughable because out of all mornings, I need my alarm. I was wrong in thinking my cord had hit the floor. Somehow, some weird way, my charger, and the phone had separate during the night. It was laying on the bed near my phone. I plugged it in, thinking it was around 330. It was 4:59 am. At that moment, I sat up and thanked God for loving me enough to wake me right when I needed it.

Two nights ago, I laid in bed thinking that maybe I had not been praying enough or listening to God closely enough or just making time to be still and learn how to wait. This morning, He lovingly and gently reassured me that He’s here, He’s listening, and I know how to hear His voice. It was a moment of reassurance that I could not have planned but desperately needed.

This was the 1st morning I attempted to meditate. My heart full of gratitude demanded a Selah – a moment to pause and quietly reflect. As I cleared my mind, a song played in my ears. I tried to remove it from my thoughts, but my spirit said, “Listen to the words. Listen to what you have been declaring. Listen to what you have been putting power to. Listen to what to what you have placed in the atmosphere.” So I allowed, “We are desperate, we are waiting for You, Lord. Have Your Way” to play in my head. This morning served as a reminder that I need to let God have his way. Not just sing about it but believe it, trust it and do it.

Give Love. Get Love.

2 thoughts on “Let Go

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